There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i drank out of a bidet.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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