bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
