haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize