who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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