considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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