More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
