LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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