Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
