It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
