i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
