I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
