yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
