New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
