I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he fucked my hip out of place.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
