Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
