i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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