I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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