I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I AM VODKA MAN
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
