Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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