Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
