she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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