Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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