dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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