i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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