I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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