i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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