no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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