dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
