If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
