My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
