Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
