I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
