I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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