Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
