U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
