i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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