My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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