They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
