i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
