I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
