do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize