In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
