His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
