I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
