He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
