hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
