Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
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