I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize