he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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