so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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