jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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