I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
