y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
