the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I party with great urgency now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
