hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
