we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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