last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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