why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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