This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
