I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
