I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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