Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
