Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
