I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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