i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
