Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
