I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
