I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
