doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
