I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
