shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
