I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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