Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
