Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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