I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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