mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
