She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
