Dude my mom stole all your condoms
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
