oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I checked into jail on foursquare
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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